Category Archives: The Funny Dad

Blogs for Dads and their sense of humor.

For What Its Worth – Tooth Fairy Fails AGAIN

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The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000

The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Another good TRUE Story from my friend… I can’t make this stuff up!

For What Its Worth:

My son’s second tooth fell out while he was riding in the car with my wife.  She told me that somehow he dropped it and neither of them could find it in the car so he was completely depressed about the whole thing.  Most of his frustration was because after only getting $5 from that cheapo Tooth Fairy for his first tooth, he learned the hard way that $5 doesn’t get you very far at the toy store these days.   We convinced him to save it until more teeth fall out so he can buy bigger.  I have no proof of this, but I suspect he spent the following night punching himself in the face or picking fights at school because miraculously he lost tooth #2 within 24 hours of that conversation.  Anyway, without a tooth to leave under the pillow he wouldn’t get paid.  My wife put him in a warm bath to calm down and she went back to the car to look for the missing tooth but no luck.  So, like any dedicated parent would do, Mom improvised.  She went and got tooth #1 which had been taken by the fairy the night before and brought it inside proclaiming that she found tooth #2!  He didn’t suspect anything so Mom was a hero that night.  He cashed in the tooth so now he’s got $8 in his tooth treasury.

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For What its Worth: The Tooth Fairy Fails

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The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000

The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A good TRUE story from a friend of mine…

For What Its Worth – Tooth Fairy Fails 

Last week my son lost his first two baby teeth.  This gave us two chances to wow him with a surprise from the Tooth Fairy (rumored to be Santa Clause’s mistress).  The whole thing caught my wife and I by surprise.  We didn’t have a game plan on how to actually set up the tooth drop off and subsequent money exchange.  For Christmas each year we set out cookies and milk, make sure we leave ADA compliant egress to the fireplace and put our son to sleep.  As soon as he’s sleeping we take a few bites of cookies, drink the glass of milk down to half, and pile the gifts under the tree.   Since this was our family’s first tooth fairy operation, there was bound to be complications.  Like, for example, what if you put the tooth in a tiny container under his pillow and somehow forget to make the money drop?  How do you deal with a kid who wakes up crying because that old witch-fairy didn’t bother to visit?   Or, for example, what if the tooth is lost before it can be buried under the pillow?   How do you deal with a kid who bursts into tears because he’s not going to have anything to offer the Tooth Witch?  Yes, both those things happened to us last week.  How would you handle those situations?  Would you tell him it was going to be OK, distract him with something else and let him realize that life goes on?   Or would you take some heroic measures to maintain the fantasy and preserve his childhood innocence?  You guessed it, we took the heroic route to save that Tooth Witch’s reputation.

We took the time to put his tooth in a tiny box in preparation for the great tooth fairy visit overnight.  We woke up the next morning to the familiar sound of our bedroom door creaking open but this time, our son was sniffling and crying.  “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come!” he whimpered.  We acted shocked and told him she must have been busy but that’s really unusual.  We told him she would probably come tomorrow.  As we all mobilized into our routines of dressing, combing, brushing and eating I couldn’t shake the feeling that we had let our boy down.  So while he was brushing his teeth, I tiptoed into his bedroom, opened his window to let the blistering cold air rush in.  I left the window wide open, replaced the tooth box with a fist full of cash and tiptoed out.  A few minutes later he calls me, “Dad!”.  I came in pretending to be too busy to pay much attention.   He pointed at the window and I immediately started scolding him about how he should never open windows because its dangerous.  He proclaimed his innocence but I insisted “if you didn’t open it then who did?”.  Poor kid didn’t get it so I nudged him along by asking if he thinks the tooth fairy was running late.   His eyes opened wide and he rushed to the pillow to uncover $5.  His smile was well worth the 10 minutes of internet surfing time it cost me that morning.  Mission accomplished, Tooth Fairy lives to fly another day…and she did.

 

 

 

The War Against Barbie

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My girls have an addiction. They have been brainwashed. Everything they have, play with or want is BARBIE. I have given up. Heck I had already given up, and then there was Christmas…  Christmas came, and went and my living room threw up Barbies. The Dreamhouse, VW convertible, cruise ship, clothes, more Barbie dolls… it was definitely a Barbie Christmas.

Pay back is a B*tch I guess. When I was her age, I was brainwashed by HE-MAN and old school WWF. I had all kinds of HE-MAN action figures. I had Castle Greyskull and Snake Mountain… I am sure my Mom and Dad had the same feelings as I do with Barbie.

My oldest also received some legos for Christmas. Seems like Legos have a new theme targeting girls. Lego “Friends”. The lego friends set she got was a beauty shop.  My daughter instantly became hooked with legos. She has played off and on with legos but never really cared that much about them. I think the Friends theme is what did it…Now we have something in common. I loved legos when I was a kid. This is one toy addiction that I can join in on. So we have played with legos a good bit this week. We went to the lego store, got some more legos. We didnt get any new kits, I like for her to use her imagination to make something original, and to use her creativity… a house, a car, something other than those expensive kits. Now for some people, thats all they do, but I like using our imagination…

I thought we were golden… legos maybe my weapon of choice against this Barbie regime

BUT man… are they expensive, really expensive…. I guess I can’t win.

Check out the lego store on AMAZON

Check out the Barbie store on AMAZON.

For What its Worth – New Years Resolution – Part 3

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Part 3 of this post will highlight some more fun activities that a fellow Dad has shared with some unique twists that might inspire your own household adventures…

 

Hide and Seek – We finished off the weekend with a good old fashioned game of hide and seek before bedtime.  The only slight variation was the seeker gets to hunt with a replica M16 assault rifle with lights and bullet sounds.  I pride myself in the stealth ninja hiding techniques that make the games heart pounding and intense.  My goal is to have him walk by me within a few feet and not realize I’ve blended myself into the room…then jump out and hear his screech of terror turn to belly laughter.  Today I put myself into a trash bag and balled myself up next to an identical trash bag that was sitting in the kitchen all day (the bag of trash was there all day, not me).  I nearly suffocated in that bag but it was worth it to grab him the second time he walked right by me.  Ninja style!

 

Electric Scooter – We suited up in our winter coats and gloves and hats and charged up his new shiny Razor Scooter.  I walked behind him (straddling the yellow line on the road to control traffic) and let him open up the throttle and rip up and down the 1/4 mile straightaway near our house.   He would get to the end court and come back to me.  I stood patiently in the road, watching my son turn into a little speck in the distance, then come racing back to me.  His chest puffed out with confidence and he started doing little squat downs like some kind of stand-up jetski  racer or something.  All I did was watch and cheer him on…sometimes feeding him a bogus time letting him know how fast his lap was.  He loved it.

Angry Kid and the eSpark Razor Scooter

Angry Kid and the eSpark Razor Scooter (Photo credit: AngryJulieMonday)

The Ultimate Man Room

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As a man, I think its our calling to have a Man Room. Our Dungeon, our Cave, our Layer… however you want to name it. We should have one… Then you get married, then you have some kids… and your man room gets invaded.

I don’t know if its a skirmish, a battle or a war… but it’s one that all men need to defend.

I am losing.

My man room has the necessities… First, its in my basement, it has a nice big tv, Fios, a recliner, a fridge (in the other room)… and … wait…. Barbies, dolls, little plastic pretend food… etc. Its become a modified Disney Store… (Sigh)

As I am sitting in my Man Room, typing this up… I can not help but think of the best Man Room I ever had the honor or sitting in or hiding in… depends on how you look at it…

My Grand-Dads.

It was his garage. It wasn’t huge but it had EVERYTHING a man would need. It had his work bench, a fridge, a freezer, a Recliner, 13″ Magnavox (I think everyone in my family had one, I know we had at least 4) a furnace that would run you out of the garage because it put out so much heat…and his Plymouth Acclaim (at least thats what I think it was called)…

I remember as a kid, all my Moms side of the family would go to Grandma and Grand-Dads and some close family friends would show up. All the kids running around a small house, carrying on, being kids. Kids would have to eat on the steps, the same steps where we would try to build the biggest card tower using grandmas good playing cards. With all the kids running around…  I can not help but get stressed out just thinking about how our Dads felt… oooh the pandemonium…

It wasn’t until I got older it hit me… soooo thats why all the Dads went into the garage…. to get a way :-) Grand-Dad would have the fridge stocked with beer for my Dad, a Whiskey for my Uncle, VO for Grand-Dad, cigarettes for whom ever needed them, and an ashtray. (the ugly orange in a weird shape, my family members would know what I am talking about)…oh and lets not forget about the intercom… God forbid you had to walk 20ft to ask a question…but it was perfect… (My intercom is my wife opening the basement door and yelling down the question or sending one of the kids down to ask the question)

So as I got older, drinking age I guess, I was able to go and stay in garage and truly enjoy the garage. There was no ceremony to be accepted.  You just hung out. Watch football, or Wheel of Fortune and talked about the town, the changes, or “You remember So n So, Yeah, Well How the hell are they doing??” sort of talk. Those cousins of mine men or women that liked to enjoy their cig or coors, were able to do so too. The women would be in the house talking about women things, and laughing hysterically… Grandma would never ever tell me the jokes… Usually the jokes came from Grandma and my Moms closest friend Kay….

Those are just some random memories that I have of Grand-Dad’s garage.

We moved around a few times, but really wish I lived back there, so I could see my Grandma and Grand-Dad more often… but they both have passed, but are living in the ultimate man room…

Around the holidays, this is what I remember most….Family, Food, Christmas, and…

Grand-Dads Garage….

Paying It Forward

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Toys 'R' Us

Toys ‘R’ Us (Photo credit: Jeffery Simpson)

I have experienced one of the nicest, kindest gesture I may have ever seen. There is a person at our church who wants to remain anonymous, decided to give some of our little kids in our Sunday School $25 gift cards to Toys R Us and Target.

Some?? How many is some? Well…almost 70. Thats right, 70 gift cards split between Target and Toys R Us…. and thats not all…. The church school director informed us that there were several Giant (local grocery chain) gift cards. I do not know the dollar amount of those gift cards. I know is that they were “extremely” generous.

We received our gift cards in the mail. The gift cards were accompanied by a nice letter explaining there was no obligation to pay if forward. But if we did pay it forward, the church wanted to know what we did…

So what did we do?

I loaded up my two kids, and my Toys R Us Coupons and we went to Toys R US in Annapolis… during the Christmas madness… YUP… I knew what I was walking into….and my youngest was already cranky… But nonetheless … off we went…

My girls love Barbies… L-O-V-E Barbies. So I explained to my oldest that we were trying to get the most out of our money, so lets get the Barbies that were on sale. I am trying to turn her into my ‘lil bargain shopper. She found some Barbies that were $40. So she’s a beginner on the bargain hunting. So I explained in more detail that we were wanting to find the cheaper Barbies….

When it was all said in done, coupons used, gift cards redeemed, and I chipped in too… we had 6 Barbies, and 12 Barbie outfits. We gave all these Barbies to my Wife’s school. Their school adopted a couple families that were not having a christmas. Some bought food for Christmas dinner, toys and clothes for kids…

It doesn’t stop there. We discussed what we were doing to some of our closest friends. They decided to do the same thing as us. When it was all said and done, my wife had a good load of toys to take to her school for these kids that would not have had a nice Christmas, or a Christmas at all.

I wasn’t really looking forward to go to Toys R Us a few days before Christmas. Who would? Doing this with my oldest and explaining the importance of paying it forward to my her really made it all worth while.  She got it. She wanted to make sure we got the Barbies that she thought the kids would play with. It was awesome!

 

On a side note…While at Toys r Us,  I got my youngest a “I can Be…a President Barbie” Ava picked out the Dark Haired Barbie (I have no freaking clue what her real name is… they ALL are Barbie aren’t they??) …. So she decided to change her name to Sarah. Yup… Sarah…

So here we are, a dark haired President Barbie with a new name of Sarah. So I did what any other Dad would have done… I taught Ava to have her Barbie/Sarah say ” I can see Russia from my house” and have her do some “fancy pageant walking” …. I am bad. I couldn’t help it..

 

Did you pay anything forward? Did you donate to Toys for Tots?

Sunday Evening Ache -12-9-12

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The weekend flew by! I feel like it was just Friday evening. I guess that is what happens when you have 2 kid birthday parties, kids dance class, work, church, and two grocery runs. It was a good weekend though, I enjoyed the kids parties. Glad our kids have great friends and I’m glad to say that the parent we hung out with are our best friends too.

So now that the dust is settled, and the kids are winding down from the cupcakes and sugar high… Its time to realize that the alarm is going to go off about 3 hours too early. I will probably hit snooze a half a dozen times before I get up… Warning… I am not a morning person…

Every time the alarm goes off at 4:30am, I say the same thing. Pretty much every day…

Its an oldie, but a goodie… Try Amazon to download it!

BTW, I didn’t know that this was a David Allen Coe song…

 

Today’s Funny – 12-9-12

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I am not the biggest comic strip fan, but there are two that I will read from time to time… Peanuts, and Dilbert. Peanuts is a stable of any Sunday newspaper. Dilbert… well for me, its true life.

There have been some Dilberts lately that are way to close to my real world work scenarios. The strip below is one of the more recent ones that really hits close to home. Now, I do understand some will not laugh, or get this, but my fellow coworkers…. they get it! So I guess, this post goes out to them!

Office Space and Dilbert… I truly believe they inserted my work life in different scenes or in different strips.

How about you… Does Dilbert do anything for you? Do you find the Humor?

Need to pick up a coworker something small for the holidays? Don’t forget to get your Dilbert 2013 calendars! Or Dilbert books and collectibles. Available at Amazon!